moments on a journey

Again, from Bruce Feiler's Walking the Bible,

...maybe it was the appreciation at having made that discovery [not viewing Egypt as the enemy in the Bible, but just another player, or actor as it were]; maybe it was the sense that I had touched the two outer wings of the biblical narrative and was now on my way to the desert core, the place where the people finally receive their blessing; or maybe it was relief at having persevered through a trying day (and the antagonism of Ahmed and Yasser), but as I sat on the water that afternoon, listening to the gulls, smelling the salt, I felt something inside of me suddenly open up that I didn't know was closed. I felt a quiet snap of release, like a door clicking open in the middle of the night, beckoning me to a place I'd always been afraid to go.

p. 195.

Its obvious that the author, as he travels and attempts to experience the world of the Bible, and particular the early travails and journeys of the Israelites, begins to reconnect with his personal faith; the journey genuinely affects him. I would think it difficult to read this book (only halfway through or so myself), and not see the shift in writing that takes place, the subtle changes in tone, the increases references to God, and faith, as opposed to strict history or archaeology.

What interests me about the selection above is the last couple lines. A place inside opening that you didn't know exists; a open door beckoning to a place always afraid to go...in my mind, I imagine this to be what a moment of faith feels like. That moment when something deep inside makes some Truth known to you, regardless if its provable, or even accepted as true to others. I've wondered about this in past years, personally, if I would ever have such a feeling, such a moment when it comes to matters of faith in the divine; reaching that point where, authentically and genuinely, its "belief" as opposed to "want to believe."

Maybe that's a high standard, maybe its an unrealistic barometer, I'm not sure. But I do know that this description, for me, nails it when it comes to love. Almost precisely, this is the feeling I had, and continue to have, from the beginning of my relationship with Jackie. And love, like God, is not something provable...and thus, also requires a certain element of faith, I think...