A Book Thanksgiving

A little while ago, I read this article in which the writer discusses 15 books that were released in 2015 for which they are thankful, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, which is tomorrow.  I kind of liked this idea.  Though I can't really talk about that many books from this year, because of what I've read this year, only a handful have been published this year.  That said, what would be books that I am thankful that I read this year - not necessarily because it was the best book I've read, but because I am thankful, for whatever reason, that I've read this particular book this particular year.

Looking back, I would say I am most thankful for reading All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood by Jennifer Senior.  In addition to being on the better books I've read this year, it was a book that, I think, was important for me to read.  I relate very much to the title paradox - as there is no substitute for the true happiness I have with the "big" things in my life - family, work, etc. - but trying to not forget that happiness, or have it overrun with what can sometimes be referred to as the drudgery of the day-to-day busyness.  In the end, this book gave me a lot to think and reflect on for my personal circumstances, and information that remains helpful in processing my various complicated states of being as I continue on the parenthood adventure.

Below is my full review of the book from when I finished it in March of this year.  It is the book I am most thankful for having read so far this year.


All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood by Jennifer Senior
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

As any book of general educational value should be, I found this to be extremely informative, thought-provoking, and due to my personal circumstances of having a toddler, relevant. The book is many things - some political commentary, lots of social science, great anecdotes interweaved with data - but it is not a book about parenting or having children.

It is a book about parents, and the impact of children on those parents - as single parents, as couples (married or otherwise), as adults with social and communal lives. A particular point in the book I think well summarizes much of the book's discussion. It notes that prior to WWII, childhood was significantly different. Childhood was not a time for a child to be free of work and obligation, a time to be involved in whatever is the latest must do extracurricular. Childhood was judged, in many ways, on a child's usefulness to the family economy, be it in the form of chores around a farm or house, or in terms of working to supplement familial income. Child labor laws weren't enacted until the early 20th century, and with some concern of what would become of children with all that free, unstructured time.

Since WWII, the expectation is for children to be go to school, get an education, get a job, etc. But society is still lagging in ways to determine the best way to have this provided. A striking fact showing how the changing dynamics of society have "conspired" to put modern parents in a position that may become unsustainable - mothers today spend more time "parenting" their child in a given week than mothers did in the 1950s; and those mothers are now also predominantly in the workplace as well. Time is stretched ever more thin, with an expectation that doesn't truly have any historical counterpart or guidance. This is exacerbated even more by the fact that fathers are spending more time parenting now than in the 1950s (that's on sum, a whole lot more parenting going on...), and working more in household duties than in prior generations, but again, with little historical guidance for the new realities of parenthood.

These realities, couple with the fact that many couples/women are waiting longer to have children (and thus placing more of an expectation on the experience), results in the paradox of modern parenthood that is the author's thesis. The act of parenting still brings tremendous joy, for a myriad of reasons, but it also, because of the expectations of the individual, of a society connected as today's, and the lack of historical precedence, is often little fun from day to day.

Well written, good end-notes and research, and plenty of stories, philosophies, and data to mentally digest, make this a very, very thoughtful and worthy read.

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