Another year, another Birthday post. I've written a few of these posts now, and reading them again, I find that I have recurrent themes in them - 1) there's no real sorrow about being another year older, 2) I like to make resolutions on a new year of life as opposed to simply at a new calendar year, and 3) I am very fortunate to have the friends and family that I have. In these respects, not much has changed.
So why change those themes now...;)
1) I am now 31. I don't begrudge the age, and have no feeling of remorse or dread about having higher tally on the age count. But I continue to have similar feelings I have had in the past, a sense of being disconnected to the age. I feel like if I say that I don't feel like I'm old enough to be 31 is a way of saying that I don't want to be 31, or have an issue with being 31. But I don't. I guess I have this impression that someone who is 31 has done certain things, have accomplished certain things, are comfortable and secure with themselves as an "adult," in their job and family, in their community. And that level of security I believe or think should exist is something I feel lacking. This could be a problem of too high expectations, or placing expectations at all, but whatever the reason, I continue to feel disconnected with my age, because I'm just not secure, confident, mature enough to be 31 years of age.
Obviously, my perception does not change the reality. But its where I'm at.
2) Resolutions. My resolutions the last couple years have been about weight loss, and they have been necessary. But for the sake of avoiding a third repeat on that, and because I feel that is something that is no longer resolution material (i.e., its not something that I struggle significantly with motivation on, regardless of success level), I think I'll move on to something else. The easy choice for a resolution is to get better at managing finances, paying off debt, curb foolish spending. Much of this should be made easy as Jackie and I continue to work towards an adoption, as the costs involved are significant for us, and will require a lot of work, focus, staying the course to make the financial picture of it work for us. So if I had to pick a resolution, it'd be the second most traditional one to losing weight, which is improving the money picture.
3) I'm still very fortunate to have the friends and family that I do. This seems to never change, and its amazing and awesome that it doesn't. Jackie and I have great friends that have provided us with support over the last year in our personal struggles, and who continue to provide us with all the joys that friendships normally include. We live in an awesome community that we have continued to embrace, and that has embraced us, which leads us to have that true feeling of "home" despite both being transplants from other areas. My parents continue to be some of my best friends, and my sister and her family continue to be a great presence and model. My relationship with Jackie's family has continued to grow and develop, and continues to be immensely rewarding. I have an amazing and mischievous dog who makes me laugh daily.
Finally, I have an incredible wife. There are no words to describe what it means to be married to your best friend, to partner with your best friend in all of life's ups and downs. I get to experience that love, joy, and meaning each and every day, and that, above all else, is incredibly sustaining.
In some ways, not much has changed in the last year, and in other ways, a whole lot has changed. But I'm happy to have completed 31 years here on Earth, and I'm excited as to what the 32nd year will bring.
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