Celebrating 10 Years

This past Thursday, June 11th, Jackie and I celebrated our 10th Wedding Anniversary.  Because of the penchant to recognize those round numbers (being on a base 10 system and all), the date felt monumental; a decade of marriage, almost a third of our lives, we have been married.  Those big moments in life, at least for me, often create opportunities for reflection - to look back and compare then to now.

10 years ago, Jackie had just finished her first year of teaching and her first year of living on her own in Elkhart.  I had just finished my second year of law school at Valpo, and was clerking with the City of South Bend's legal department for the summer.  We moved into an apartment on the northwest side of South Bend, after a very challenging move (her stuff from Elkhart, my stuff from Valpo).  I recall the difficulty we had in finding a place for everything after the wedding due to everyone's generosity.  I had the week off from work following the wedding, where we continued to unpack our new lives together, took in a South Bend Silverhawks game, and had dinner out at Papa Vino's.  We were still driving vehicles that were originally acquired with the help of parents before we got married.  Its funny what the mind remembers.

That first year seem defined by driving - Jackie driving 45 miles East, me driving 60 miles West.  But really, those first years were really defined by transition.  Our first year of marriage I finished law school and found my current job.  During the second year of marriage, we found and purchased the house.  We lost a beloved pet in Toby.  We gained our current crazy dog, Ellie.  Jackie became more established in her job, I eventually became a partner in my job.  Together, we became more and more a part of the community we lived in - be it through school, church, or the library.  It seemed that during our first five years together things just kept happening, changing, moving to the next stage.

The next five years seemed different initially, with the one life transition that did not occur as easily (seemingly) as these others was having children.  That we had to wait a little bit for, with Maia's birth and adoption taking place during our 7th year of marriage.  Before that, we had to deal with the pain and frustration of infertility; but thankfully, I think, our friendship allowed those experiences to strengthen our marriage; to remember to focus on what we truly believed mattered, and let that which doesn't, go.

The last 2 and 1/2 years of marriage have been defined by our transition to parenthood, and the additional roles that involves.  Jackie is no longer just a friend or wife to me, but the mother to my child.  Similarly, I am more than just a friend or husband, I am a father.  With having to wait longer than expected to have a child, it continues to be somethingt that we both strive to never take for granted.  And for the most part, Maia makes it easy.  But its also easy because there is a strength in our marriage, in our relationship, that allows both Jackie and I to fulfill and serve those roles as partners and companions to each other, as parents to Maia, but also to retain and continue to develop ourselves as unique individuals.

Through all those transitions, joys, frustrations, and life moments, we are now stand at 10 years of marriage.  To celebrate, we arranged for my parents to take Maia for a couple days, and headed to Saugatuck, Michigan for a couple days.  We stayed at an excellent bed and breakfast, the Twin Oaks Inn.  The innkeeper was incredibly nice, our room was exactly what we wanted, and the breakfasts were darn good.

[caption id="attachment_1085" align="aligncenter" width="300"] An example of the aforementioned great breakfasts.[/caption]

After our check in, we went to the Mermaid Bar & Grill, which sat right on the channel of the Kalamazoo River as it starts its final path to Lake Michigan.  The dinner provided a great view of the harbor, beautiful weather, and simple yet good food.  From there, we traveled to Oval Beach on Lake Michigan, and sat on the beach, just talking and reminiscing, watching as the Sun slowly set over the Lake.  A beautiful evening.

[caption id="attachment_1079" align="aligncenter" width="300"] The view from our seats at the Mermaid Bar & Grille.[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1080" align="aligncenter" width="300"] Oval Beach.[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1082" align="aligncenter" width="300"] Sunset.[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1084" align="aligncenter" width="224"] Just an awesome sky.[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1081" align="aligncenter" width="300"] The Star of Saugatuck out on the Lake. We'd take it the next evening.[/caption]

On the day of our anniversary itself, we kept it simple.  We enjoyed some shopping at the various stores in town, picking up souvenirs for ourselves and for Maia.  We went to lunch at a highly recommended local place, Phil's Bar & Grill, which was fantastic (some of the best fish tacos I've ever had).  We followed that up by going to the Fenn Valley Winery tasting room in Saugutuck.  We then headed back to the room and took a nap for what felt like the first time in 2 1/2 years (it was glorious ;)).  We then had dinner at another highly recommended place called Marro's, an Italian Restaurant.  The food was amazing, especially their from scratch garlic rolls with melted mozzarella.

[caption id="attachment_1086" align="aligncenter" width="224"] Those garlic rolls...[/caption]

Following dinner, we headed for the Star of Saugatuck, a paddle boat that goes on a small guided tour of the area and heads out to Lake Michigan for sunset.  Because of weather, it was unsure whether they would venture out.  They did, and though the clouds prevented seeing any sunset, the view and experience was still remarkable.  The slow ride back in, with dusk getting darker and darker, the lights from the boat, the music playing - it created a very memorable experience.  It was a good way to cap the evening.

[caption id="attachment_1083" align="aligncenter" width="300"] Cloudy on our night on the Star of Saugatuck, but still beautiful in its own way.[/caption]

10 years.  In some ways, it feels like we have been married for longer than that (which, I think is understandable considering we were together for over 4 years before our wedding).  In other ways, it doesn't seem very long at all - there's so much more that we continue to hope for in the future; and with that great expanse laying in front of us, 10 years can seem small.   But as I sit and write this, and I think on all the thoughts I had this past week when thinking about this anniversary, I want to savor it.  Jackie and I have been very fortunate and lucky, but we've also worked hard through disappointments and frustrations to create a complete life with each other.  And when I think about that life, its filled with joy, with peace, with hope, with love.

Succinctly, its been an amazing 10 years, and the best part is that I get to keep living as part of it.

“To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.” - Mark Twain

“Those who have never known the deep intimacy and the intense companionship of happy mutual love have missed the best thing that life has to give.” - Bertrand Russell