Its sports, which isn't all that important when you get right down to it, but its just another bond that Jackie and I can share. She will never be as big of a fan as I am, just like I will never be as a big of a fan of some TV shows we watch together that she loves. But it just reminds me of why we work. We truly don't have a whole lot in common...I am a huge sports fan (Jackie, mainly just Purdue basketball); I enjoy listening and talking about politics (Jackie, not so much); I am very comfortable talking about religion and religious/spiritual beliefs (again, Jackie, not so much); I enjoy cooking - Jackie hates it; Jackie's a neat freak and loves organization - I can't stand cleaning; I'm a morning person, Jackie, better not talk to her in the first half hour after she gets up; and the list could go on for awhile. We really are opposites in so many ways, yet it rarely ever feels like we are butting heads or contesting one another when making decisions.
Often people say that marriage is about compromise. I never really liked that word, and still don't. I probably equivocate on the word, but I don't like the idea of compromising who I am, or Jackie compromising who she is. The word itself seems to invite disagreement in a relationship context...i.e., who is compromising the most, about what, I compromised on this, so you should on that, etc. I like to think that part of the reason Jackie's fandom of Purdue basketball has grown since we've been married (besides that they got better), is that by developing that new interest, its a connection to me. That my developing of new interests, in certain TV shows, in decorating rooms in the house, and so on, is to connect more with her. Its not compromise, its the journey, the process of two really becoming one, as they say.
I think the use of a word like compromise, and its natural implications, allow someone to look back at what they "had to give up." That's unfortunate, negative, and probably not healthy to have a bit of regret towards one's spouse. Developing new interests to establish more connections, its never a compromise...its just learning to be one.
Jackie and I will continue to be opposites in so many ways. But we have been blessed, those opposites complement well. The areas in my life, where I am weak, where I need improvement, where I can be a better person, Jackie has, and by being part of my life, pushes me towards it. I hope that the same is true for her, that her areas of weakness, I cover and make her stronger. No compromise, just learning together.
So tonight at the game, I'll join in with cries of "Boiler Up" and cheers for Hummel, Moore, and the rest of the team, even though I never paid attention to Purdue University until a few years ago. Seven years ago I could never imagine a situation where I would be rooting, honestly cheering, for more than one team, for any other team than MSU. Now, I can't imagine not rooting for both and sharing that joy with Jackie. That's that just a little of the fruit of the journey.
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